Alexander the Meerkat
Let’s face it, car insurance is fucking boring – it needs personifying, hence Churchill the bulldog, Iggy Pop’s weird little Swiftcover puppet and even the cheery red mouse that races around to the distinctive “deet-deet, deet-deet, deet-deet” on the Direct Line ads. These are all efforts to put some pseudo-anthropomorphic pizzazz into what is essentially a mandatory gambling transaction that’s about as interesting as dragging a stick through shit.
Built on the weak (and endlessly-repeated-until-your-blood-thins-to-the-viscosity-of-turpentine-and-your-brain-starts-seeping-out-of-your-ears) joke that “meerkat” sounds a bit like “market”, Alexander tells us that the confusion between the two leads to all sorts of problems when users hoping to access a price comparison site end up on his instead. The distinction, he maintains, should be “simples” and hilarious consequences ensue.
Fuck off. It’s not funny. It doesn’t even make sense. “Meerkat” doesn’t sound like “market” and you’d have to a fucking moron to type the former when you meant the latter and any claim as to the excessive regularity of the mistake is bullshit. If I’d been living on the fucking moon all my life and, one day, came to Earth to buy a car and felt the need to scour the web (assuming I knew what that was) for inexpensive car insurance, and was verbally recommended a company by one of my Earth-dwelling friends called comparethemarket.com, I very much doubt whether I’d end up at Alexander’s place.
Of course, Alexander is just the fictional frontmammal for a coke-fuelled gaggle of advertising execs who thought this kind of shit would be cute and funny, so it’s them I should be angry at, not an aristocratic rodent in a smoking jacket who’s not even real. Fuck it, put the whole ad agency on the plane, along with the Compare the Market management and all the ‘simplestons’ sitting in their council estates who continue to guffaw at their feeble little offerings. There’s enough room for everyone. Cunts one and all.
Built on the weak (and endlessly-repeated-until-your-blood-thins-to-the-viscosity-of-turpentine-and-your-brain-starts-seeping-out-of-your-ears) joke that “meerkat” sounds a bit like “market”, Alexander tells us that the confusion between the two leads to all sorts of problems when users hoping to access a price comparison site end up on his instead. The distinction, he maintains, should be “simples” and hilarious consequences ensue.
Of course, Alexander is just the fictional frontmammal for a coke-fuelled gaggle of advertising execs who thought this kind of shit would be cute and funny, so it’s them I should be angry at, not an aristocratic rodent in a smoking jacket who’s not even real. Fuck it, put the whole ad agency on the plane, along with the Compare the Market management and all the ‘simplestons’ sitting in their council estates who continue to guffaw at their feeble little offerings. There’s enough room for everyone. Cunts one and all.
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